Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
