I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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