I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
