hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
