Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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