Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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