Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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