Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
