remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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