I wannas sexs uuuuu
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
