So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
