Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
