I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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