This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize