weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Do vagina's smell?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
