So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
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am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
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Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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