If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
