Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
