Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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