i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
