Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
