Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
