we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
