So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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