we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
