I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
love makes seman taste better
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
