guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
