He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
