hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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