When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
