it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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