Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
