32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
