Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
