dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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