As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
