he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
