u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
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