Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
