when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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