yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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