i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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