she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
