i think my tv is drunk
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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