I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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