I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
