that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
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I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
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I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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