was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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