Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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