OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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