I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
