Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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