The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
