# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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