dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
being pregnant is like rehab
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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