Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
