ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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