having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
