if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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