Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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