NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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